It's been pretty quiet here on my blog:)

You see...I have been keeping a secret:) And while I AM good at keeping secrets, I really really HATE secrets. If you tell me something, especially something exciting, and tell me not to tell, I won't. But it is very hard for me. My method of keeping secrets is to avoid talking altogether and even sometimes avoid people in general! I find myself so afraid to 'slip up' that I just don't talk.

This type of secret keeping is even harder when it's about myself...because really, if I want to share a secret about myself, then I should just share it. But for various reasons, I even felt as though I should keep this secret quiet for a bit. Even on facebook I have been relatively statusless...because if I were to have posted statuses over the last month and a half or so they would probably have looked something like this...

What's on your mind? Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch and dinner....mmmmmmm:)

or

What's on your mind? napping. again.

or

What's on your mind? Watching The Notebook is hard enough...but watching The Notebook while pregnant is a BAD idea.

It is common for me to by a pregnancy test after some sort of hormonal/emotional break down. I am not an emotional person in general. But, when something like watching Dale Earnhardt Jr. win a Nascar race brings me to tears (I HATE NASCAR)...I immediately run out for a test. (This is what happened when I was preggo with Luke).

Which brings me to a moment right after Church in early December. My brother in law (or..my sister in laws husband...so my brother in law, in law??) said something to me that irritated me. For those of you who know him, you know that this is nothing out of the ordinary. He lives for saying things that get people riled up...and usually the people who know him well just ignore him and move on..because we know what he's trying to do. For some reason, this particular time, I reacted in a way that surprised everyone (including myself). Instead of ignoring him, I got really mad. My face got red, my eyes got teary and I sort of yelled at him and then finished by saying "I want to punch you in the face SO bad right now". Of course, all of this making him chuckle...and making others around me wonder 'what the heck was that all about?':) At that point I knew I acted very oddly..and started laughing at myself and then almost started crying. At that moment I knew.

So yeah, the next day I went out and got a test...and sure enough...TWO LINES. Oh my goodness. Now...we know how this works, we know what causes this. It was not a total surprise...but even if you have been actively trying for months on end when you see two lines on a pregnancy test it freaks you out. I was in a daze for the rest of the day.

We kept this secret for a while. After having an appt a couple of weeks ago and having an opportunity to see the baby (after I suggested that the doc get his little u/s machine and get a sneak peek...because apparently when you are on #5 you get to call the shots!)...and seeing a little baby with a beating heart, we figured we would tell the kids. This was SO fun.

I set up the video camera (they didn't know this) and we showed them the u/s pic. They all guessed that it was "Kirsten's baby" (Kirsten is my SIL who is also pregnant). I said "no"...and then it clicked with Jessalyn. She said "is it yours??!!" ..and I said "yep!" and she said "You're PREGNANT?!" and I said yep. Ethan quickly said "is it a boy?", and Jessalyn jumped up and down for joy shouting "I hope it's a girl, I hope it's a girl, I hope it's a girl"...and Luke, after a second of processing what the heck was going on, said "I KNEW IT" and started rubbing my belly. Luke has been telling me for weeks that there is a baby in there! Owen didn't really react much until later.

The kids are excited. As we continued getting ready for bed the questions starting coming. Luke wants to know all the logistical things about a baby in my belly. How does it eat? How big is it? How will it come out? (a question I avoided) Owen kept listing all the things we need...a crib, nukys (2 of them in case SHE loses one), bibs, baby food. He also said he needs to pick up all the toys so SHE won't eat them and put the gate on the stairs. He's really thinking:) Jessalyn wanted to be sure she could go tell all her friends at school. Jessalyn and Ethan ran downstairs to get a baby name book and spent time together in Jessalyn's bed listing their favorite names..and interesting list for sure! I will be sure to share it.

The excitement continued through the next day. Jessalyn took a picture of the u/s and printed it out to bring to school and share with her friends. Luke and Ethan proudly told their classmates and teachers and Owen said he can't wait to tell Riley. Owen has asked me daily since telling them "is the baby coming out today?". It's gonna be a long 7/8 months for Owen! Luke gives my belly hugs and kisses every chance he can. Imagine what they will be like when the baby is actually here!!!

So..this all brings me to the fact that I am still only 11 weeks along. Doc said everything looked great and baby looked like the right size and was in the 'right place' and all that...and the heart rate was good. I do pray that everything continues to go well...even though we are nearing the end of the first trimester it seems that the worry never really stops.

So...long story short...Baby Brown #5 (YIKES!) is due around Aug 7th...

We are all excited!